


That time Steve kissed every single Avenger (and also Bucky)

by SquaresAreNotCircles



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Domestic Avengers, Humor, M/M, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 18:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13323780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquaresAreNotCircles/pseuds/SquaresAreNotCircles
Summary: It’s Clint who bravely breaks the silence by clearing his throat. “So, uh,” he says, “did all of you just get kissed by Captain America, or did I totally hallucinate that because I haven’t had my caffeine shot yet?”





	That time Steve kissed every single Avenger (and also Bucky)

**Author's Note:**

> This idea is 100% stolen from that Friends episode where Chandler kisses Monica goodbye without thinking, and to hide their relationship he then has to kiss Rachel and Phoebe as well to pretend this is just a thing he does, totally normal, not weird at all, he always does this! Fun times byE GUYS
> 
> Because of that, very slight dub con warning, I think? Everybody is cool with it in the fic, but Steve does go around kissing his friends without warning, so be aware of that if it's something that might bother you.
> 
> EDIT: There is now a Russian translation of this work on ficbook.net! You can read it [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/6377651/16312619), courtesy of the supercool [callmeerrica](https://callmeerrica.tumblr.com/). Thank you so much!!
> 
> EDIT#2: There's now a podfic of this work!!! It's linked at the bottom or you can [click here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13398054) to listen to the amazingly talented [thatsmysecret](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsmysecret/pseuds/thatsmysecret). Again, THANK YOU!!

It happens on a Saturday, at about ten in the morning. It’s a small miracle, but all of the Avengers are assembled in the kitchen. They’re spread around the table, waiting for their coffee, putting together a sandwich or, in Tony’s case, tinkering with the toaster and possibly giving it sentience. Steve is helping Bucky with the crossword puzzle, a disgustingly cute habit, when he glances at the clock. 

“I have to go,” he says. “I promised I’d referee a wheelchair basketball game that starts at eleven.” He swigs down the last of his morning coffee, gets up, and bends down to kiss Bucky goodbye.

Right on the mouth. In front of everyone.

Which isn’t a problem, per se, because Bucky is sure all of their teammates would be totally cool with him and Steve if they knew, but there’s the catch: _if_ they knew.

“Bye Buck,” Steve says, for a blissful fraction of a second still oblivious to what he just did.

Bucky is the first to freeze, realizing he maybe shouldn’t have melted into that kiss so completely, but Steve is barely a millisecond behind him. And they’re not the only ones – an eerie quiet descends over the kitchen. Clint has stopped tapping his foot impatiently until the espresso maker spits out his extra large cup of extra strong black coffee, Thor and Bruce’s quiet conversation has halted mid-sentence, Natasha’s phone has stopped making Candy Crush noises and even Tony and his toaster are like statues.

Statues that are staring at Steve and Bucky. Bucky could swear even the toaster looks shocked, no pun intended.

“What’s this?” Tony asks, sounding too perplex for once to even be obnoxious about it.

Bucky is about to open his mouth to admit to exactly what this is – him and Steve finding each other again in this new century, and tentatively giving their relationship another go, but wanting to take it slow, without any of the pressure or expectations that would be put on it if other people knew – when Steve straightens up from his frozen position, still half bent over Bucky. He has his Captain America face on. He looks not just determined to fix this, but Determined To Fix This, with a capital letter D for freeDom and then some more because all letters are created equal. Bucky is immediately very nervous about what’s going to happen next.

And he is right to be, because Steve walks over to Tony, takes Tony’s face in his hands, and kisses him right on the lips, just like he had with Bucky.

Well. It’s a little more chaste and doesn’t last quite as long, and Tony also doesn’t lean in to him or kiss him back, but it’s at least kind of like he’d done with Bucky. “Bye Tony,” Steve adds.

Tony now looks absolutely floored, but he still manages a weak, “Uh, bye.”

Steve turns, finding everyone’s eyes glued on him, and without a hint of hesitation zeroes in on his next target. Clint looks confused, but not at all unwilling when Steve kisses him, lips on lips. “Bye Clint.”

Bucky feels like maybe he should be annoyed his boyfriend is going around a room kissing people, but he can’t muster up even the slightest bit of jealousy. He is so goddamn impressed. Steve Rogers, tactical genius, trying to fix a screw-up by thinking on his feet and making everyone around him even more uncomfortable than he is. Bucky thinks he should get an Oscar for this level of improv skills.

After Clint, it’s Thor’s turn, who sees Steve coming and actually tilts his head a little to meet him, totally chill with this new development. “Goodbye, friend Steve,” Thor announces after their kiss, picking up on what’s going on here.

“Bye Thor,” Steve agrees.

Bruce’s eyebrows are trying to achieve liftoff, or maybe raise to Hulk heights while Bruce is still Bruce, but he, too, only looks confused, not like he really objects to what’s happening. They are smart people, Bucky thinks. One should make the most of it if Steve Rogers, most impressive human being on earth, is willing to put his lips near yours.

“Bye Bruce,” Steve says, and then there’s only Natasha left.

Natasha, in contrast to the rest, doesn’t look the slightest bit confused. She is amused. She lets Steve kiss her, but also looks like she knows something the rest doesn’t, and is just kind (or evil, both are very possible here) enough to let this go on instead of putting a stop to it.

“Bye Nat,” Steve says, and it sounds just a little more cautious than his other greetings had, indicating that Bucky is not the only one who noticed the quirk of Natasha’s lips. Natasha just smiles at Steve a little wider, at once intimidating and reassuring, in that way only Natasha can.

Steve looks around the room once more. His eyes linger on Bucky for a little longer than the others, and widen a bit – it’s a “holy shit, what did we get ourselves into this time?” – but then he seems to do a headcount and nods to himself. He grins at everyone, and it’s only because Bucky knows him so well that he can identify this as a clearly fake USO grin. “Alright, don’t wanna keep those kids waiting,” Steve says to the room at large, which is still being largely silent in response. “I’m going to go now.”

Steve uses the brief moment of respite that’s left to get the hell out of there through the closest door.

Which happens to be the door that connects to the balcony, which is completely inaccessible in any other way than through that one door, but Bucky counts to ten and Steve still hasn’t reappeared. Either he’s decided to take his chances and jump over the railing, hoping there’s an unexpected trampoline at the bottom of the fifty-odd story drop, or he’s hiding just outside the view from the windows. Knowing Steve, both seem equally likely.

It’s Clint who bravely breaks the silence by clearing his throat. “So, uh,” he says, “did all of you just get kissed by Captain America, or did I totally hallucinate that because I haven’t had my caffeine shot yet?”

“Nope, pretty sure that was real,” Tony says. He’s touching his lips in wonderment with the hand he’s also holding a greasy screwdriver with, poking himself in the cheek and smearing oil on his face, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “But _why_?”

“Seems to me like Steve is just trying something relatively new,” Natasha says, and she doesn’t look at Bucky as she says it, but he still feels like he’s gotten a pointed look. He hopes she feels his answering thanks through their Russian brainwashed assassin link.

“I like it,” Thor says, possibly speaking the mind of everyone in the room, but the only one brave and shameless enough to do so out loud.

“It’s… a little odd,” Bruce says, eyebrows slowly coming back down to earth. “But it could be a way to express affection. Touch is very important to building strong bonds between people, especially in our line of work, which is more often than not very physical.”

“That’s very rational and all, but I prefer the thought he was putting out feelers for an Avengers orgy.” When everyone stares at him, Tony shrugs. “It would make for a great scandal. I feel like Cap should have one at some point.”

“Maybe there was something in his coffee,” Clint suggests, who finally has his ginormous cup of caffeinated beverage in hand. “I don’t trust this machine. What do you think, Barnes?”

Bucky has to put actual effort into not breaking the pen he’s still holding for his forgotten crossword. Life is stressful and he doesn’t like being put on the spot in social situations. Steve isn’t there to rescue him this time, so he tries his best. “He didn’t get much sleep. Maybe that’s it.” 

It’s just about the worst thing he could have said – how would he know that? why would a lack of sleep make Steve kiss people? how much more obvious could Bucky make it that he was what kept Steve awake? – but nobody calls him on it, somehow. Everyone just nods vaguely and accepts his answer as fact, just like they accept that Steve and he share one mind and completely platonically know weird little details like quality of a night’s sleep about each other. It’s at once frustrating and an immense relief to see how clueless a group of people tasked with defending the entire earth can be.

After that, everyone returns to pretty much what they were doing before. Bucky is sure he and Natasha are the only ones who notice when the Falcon lands on their balcony and takes off again with Captain America in his arms, bridal style.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you want to make a random internet stranger's day, please consider leaving a comment telling me what you thought. <3
> 
> I'm also on Tumblr as [itwoodbeprefect](http://itwoodbeprefect.tumblr.com/), if you want to come say hi!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] That Time Steve Kissed Every Single Avenger (and also Bucky)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13398054) by [SquaresAreNotCircles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquaresAreNotCircles/pseuds/SquaresAreNotCircles), [thatsmysecret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsmysecret/pseuds/thatsmysecret)




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